I Know I'm Breaking the First Rule Here, but...

      So I decided to embrace a Korean custom and indulge in getting a traditional massage I know that I shouldn't be discussing this but I've discovered a women's underground fight club here in Busan. And it pains me to say this but I got beat up by one of them. Severely. You see, I stumbled into what I thought was a nice massage spa and was greeted by a petite, unassuming girl. Looking back on it, I can only make the assumption that she's the women's world champion of the 110 lbs division. I thought that I was laying down for a massage but what ensued was a full body assault. I honestly didn't enjoy a single minute of it. For over an hour I suffered through this woman's torture and abuse. Her elbows and knees were vicious. And her hands! I didn't think it was even possible to have that kind of hand strength. We all know that one guy who shakes hands way too hard, leaving you wondering what he's trying to prove or over-compensate for. Well, she would've shattered every bone in that guy's hand. I'd love to go back only to have her grab those pressure gauges used to measure the bite force of pit bulls, crocodiles, and lions. I'd say that she'd easily register 3,000 pounds per square inch.

      Having never gotten a massage before I always thought that the pillow for your face with the hole in the center of it was there to allow you to breathe. I now know that the hole is for you to cry through. It lets your tears fall to the floor so that you don't drown in them. As my shoulders and neck were being tormented, I laid on my stomach biting the pillow and gripping the table as hard as I could (at only a measly 200 pounds per square inch). But gripping so tightly cause me to tense up and I was quickly met with a swift punch to the back numerous times. As with everything, the language difference was an unfortunate barrier. One of the very few things that I actually could make out were the words "medium pressure." I'm unsure if she was asking me if I'd like for her to ease up and use medium pressure or if she was explaining to me that she was only using medium pressure. If that's true, and she was only using medium pressure then Lord have mercy on whatever poor soul lays on that table and asks for more pressure.

      Now I'm not the most heavily tattooed person ever but I estimate that I've undergone 35 to 40 hours of work. What this woman did to me in a little over an hour was, without a doubt, more difficult to sit through than all of the hours of tattoo work...combined! I wish I were kidding but I'm not. The moral of the story here is do NOT ask for a "sports massage" unless you're willing to suffer the consequences. Stick to the aroma therapy massage.