My Life On The B-Side: Same Ol' Question, No New Answers

Before my departure to Thailand – as well as since arriving here – I've been met with the same question by both long-standing friends and newly-acquired ones..."What are you searching for?" Simple and innocent enough, is it not? I can certainly understand why one would ask this to someone in my shoes. It's a conversation starter. Considerable endeavors in life are not routine events so it strikes a chord of curiosity within some. It's also something that many, if not most, don't / won't / can't fathom. Luckily, it isn't met with anger or violence like several other misunderstood, hot-button topics currently are (I wanted to say that it isn't met with resistance or disapproval, but that's not necessarily true).

If you've known me for as long as my friends back home have (oh so many years), you've likely asked this question to clarify your confusion. "Why would he discard working a 'real' job for something so much less?" "Why partake in such a crazy endeavor again? South Korea didn't seem appealing enough to make him want to stay." "Why leave? What is he searching for?!" I have the utmost respect for your concern but please remember, what we see on the outside isn't necessarily what's on the inside. While it may seem like an easy read from an outer vantage point, living it may be slightly (or incredibly) different. I do take solace with the notion that even if my foolish schemes are met with initial cynicism, unconditional support will always be there. Despite being a world away, that honestly makes things so much easier. So thank you all.

As for those who I've met in Bangkok and Sakon Nakhon, this question seems to repeatedly pop up during introductory small talk. An honest answer may be far too disclosing for some; this is when a rapid, glossed-over reply may work best. Others may have no issue divulging their truth, even if it's a little too revealing. I began working on a theory while in South Korea that all people such as myself leave for one of a few reasons. I'd like to revisit and flesh that theory out a bit more while here. I am aware however, that this could easily be my way of establishing comfort amongst strangers. I assign one of my few 'reasons for leaving' to other expats in order for things to make sense in my mind.

But as for the question "What is it that you are looking for?", I'm presently unable to answer that. And honestly, I didn't expect to this early into my journey. I suppose that I'm 'just looking' (that go-to, rapid, glossed-over reply which we all use when someone attempts to help us while we are shopping). Can't that be enough in this moment? Until progress has taken place that I can report on, I'll leave you with a few things that I've been 'just looking' at recently.