How Long Can You Go Without Bathing?

      Well everyone, you'll be glad to know that I made it through. Admittedly, I went through moments of weakness where things looked bleak for 72 hours. This winter storm that we (yes, you and I) have been experiencing has been nothing short of monstrous. Records for low temperatures were set, people were ill-prepared, and panic set in. I know what you're thinking, "What are you talking about?! You're in Thailand; it's the States that were freshly pummeled by snow!" OK, so we didn't get any snow but the temperatures did plummet...by almost 45 degrees, none-the-less! One day it was 90 degrees, sunny, and perfectly suitable for a t-shirt and shorts (which I've packed ample of). The next was brutally windy, spitting rain, and utterly frigid, suitable for hardcore winter gear (of which I've packed none).

      With temperatures near the mid-40's and the windchill even lower, simply existing became a challenge. The 15 minute walk to school appeared to be an impossible expedition. Surviving the days in classrooms with no means of heat or keeping the wind and rain out seemed like cruel torture. And there was no reprieve at the end of the day upon returning to my room. I do not have a heater; they simply don't exist in Thailand. My door doesn't snugly close either. Normally this issue leads to uninvited visitors in the form of insects, arachnids, reptiles, and amphibians.  But now it meant that the indoor temperature was equal to that outside. Armed with a single, way-too-thin-and-small blanket, I struggled to make it through the nights.

This Was How My Walk To School Felt

      In all seriousness, as miserable as those few days were for me, my heart went out to my students. I couldn't imagine being exposed to record lows like that while living in some of the structures that the do. I'm certain that the wind and rain cut right through as if it weren't even there. They aren't equipped with the proper clothing for cold weather such as that which led to drastic measures...never leaving the slightest comfort of their blankets, burning trash outside of homes, and skipping baths. Keep in mind that the ground water is now viciously cold and washing one's self while standing outside ladling water over your body just isn't worth risking pneumonia.  Although my showers were downright painful, at least I wasn't outside for the process.  There were many students who stayed home from school for the entire week. Perhaps the cold was just a convenient excuse to skip. Perhaps it was something more legitimate like helping their family.

Warm Milk Became As Valuable As Gold

      I'm confident that I can speak for all of Northeastern Thailand when I say that I'm glad that the sun has returned and brought with it warm temperatures. What a lesson in perspective this has been! It seems to solidify that we not only take far too many things for granted but also always want what we can't have.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

      Let this be a cautionary tale about why you may not want to do something "fun" when these actions are based on your cultural appropriation of what "fun" is.

      To my surprise I discovered that a concert – which I had heard absolutely nothing about – was going to be held in a nearby town.  And not just a small, local show.  This was a single-night performance by four popular and well-known Thai bands: GetSunNova, Lomo Sonic, Big Ass, and Bodyslam (who have apparently played arena shows for audiences of +30,000).  As someone who's interested in music, new experiences, and photographic opportunities, my camera and I made the voyage to the Friday night event excited and equally perplexed by what could potentially lie ahead.  This twelfth annual Power Concert took place in the middle of nowhere, a wide open field akin to cow pasture acreage in Lockport, Louisiana, but drew a surprisingly large crowd.

      Let's fast-forward to the low point of the night.  As I stood in an utterly massive sea of 16 to 25 year old Thai kids I came to the realization that unlike any festival crowd in America; people weren't greedily attempting to squeeze, push, and fight for a better position.  Everyone was standing orderly as they viewed and listened to the bands on stage.  Other than the music itself, hands waving in the air were the only action that would signify that this was indeed a concert.  Sounds refreshingly nice, right?  Well it was...but I just couldn't leave well-enough alone.  The first thought that came to mind was "Why isn't anyone crowd-surfing?!  This is the perfect atmosphere and music for it!  Perhaps they don't even know that it exists."  And thus the quest to teach Thailand about crowd-surfing at a rock show was initiated!

      Armed with a Google Image Search of a guy crowd-surfing at a music festival on my phone, I began circling the outskirts of this human ocean to head towards the stage.  This picture (being worth a thousand words) would surely help me overcome any language barrier that I assumed I'd encounter.  As I approached the barricade in front of the stage, I was met by a group of girls who, in awe, acknowledged that I was the only farang they'd seen the entire night.  This seemed like the perfect opportunity to plant my brilliant plan's seed.  After what felt like an eternity of showing off the image on my phone and miming a person being passed along atop a crowd of other people, the only response that I could elicit was "mai chai, mai chai" (which means "no", or rather "negative yes" or "opposite yes").  I assumed that the girls just didn't understand and gave up on me.

      I should've accepted this as defeat, but noooo.  I turned away from the girls and was immediately met by some Thai guys, one of whom was fairly tall and stout.  I started my entire game of charades once again and this time, I had their attention.  I gestured to the tallest guy that I'd need to be lifted up and could then be passed along above everyone's head.  He replied by grabbing his much smaller friend's arm and laughing to emphasize that there was no way in hell he'd be able to hold me up.  Unfortunately he was correct.  I needed a few people to help lift me so that I could begin crowd-surfing and this young man just wasn't a suitable candidate.  "Fine" I thought, "we'll just convince this little guy to go first and I'll jump up once the crowd realizes what's going on."  After yet again showing the photos on my phone, I had finally and successfully conveyed the action of crowd-surfing and convinced him that it'd be a exciting experience.  Perfect!

      My hands clasped together and knee out so that my thigh could be used as a step, I was ready.  Finally, this was going to happen.  The larger Thai kid lifted his petite friend up who was now standing with one leg in my arms and the other in his friend's.  He towered over the crowd, seemingly miles above everyone else.  He wasn't falling back however, to lay out and be passed along by the other concert-goers.  Alas, I had failed to effectively communicate what the action of crowd-surfing truly was.  No matter.  As I turned to looked at the stage, the lead singer of Lomo Sonic was smiling and pointing directly at this young man.  He was now a superstar, the true envy of all Thai kids!  I smiled thinking to myself that I created an unforgettable moment for this complete stranger; one in which he was a king, even if for the night.

      Suddenly I was jolted back to reality by an incredibly strong jerking motion behind me.  In an instant, my first thought was that other kids behind me were clawing and climbing to pull themselves up as well.  I turned and was quickly met with a shock.  Soldiers from the Thai Army – there for security purposes – had fiercely snatched this kid right out of my arms and were violently beating the shit out of him.  In utter disbelief, I forced my way in to diffuse this powder keg screaming English (as if that meant anything) towards the soldiers.  It was over as rapidly as it started.  The soldiers marched away leaving this kid a limp pile lying in the grass.  As I helped him back to his feet he assured me that he was fine, all the while choking back tears.  I felt absolutely heart-broken.  I persistently offered to get him something to drink or eat or anything he wanted.  Partly because I wanted him to feel better, partly because I felt that I needed to make amends.  He refused, channeling his best strongman attitude and facade.

      It was clear that the mood was instantaneously demolished for everyone in the particular vicinity.  Feeling helpless and still quite shocked, I said my goodbyes and profusely apologized again before tucking my tail between my legs and retreating.  I've rarely experienced such a cold, hard, immediate buzzkill.

      Even now, after some time has passed, I still attempt to assign a moral to that event.  Cultural differences...perhaps what's good fun for the (American) goose isn't always good fun for the (Thai) gander.

Well Worth The Steps

      In addition to the food in Kuala Lumpur, another highlight to my time spent on the Malay Pennisula was the exploration of the Batu Caves. One of the most popular Hindu shrines outside of India, this complex cave system consists of three major caverns and multiple smaller ones. Dedicated to the Hindu deity Lord Murugan who, according to lore, prevailed victorious after a battle with the demon Soorapadam. These caves are the site of the Hindu festival Thaipusam, which falls in late January or early February each year and draws massive crowds of worshipers from around the globe.

      The largest of the sacred caverns is referred to as the Temple Cave. With an impressively high ceiling of over 300 feet, visitors must climb an extremely steep flight of 272 stairs to reach the entrance. The eroded limestone which has formed these caves is said to be an estimated 400 million years old (seems outlandish) with some of these voids used as shelter by the indigenous tribes of the past (seems more believable). Before trekking the series of stairs though, I was in awe of the iconic 142 feet tall golden statue of Lord Murugan – the tallest of its kind in the world. And once inside the Temple Cave I was greeted by a murti, or consecrated statue, of Lord Murugan which was put in place in 1890.

      The Ramayana Cave – the next largest cavern – shares the same mountainous limestone walls that the Temple Cave does. The outside of this cave's entrance is guarded by a 50 feet tall statue of Hanuman, a monkey who is a devotee and aide to Lord Rama in Hindu folklore.

      While on the subject of monkeys...when ascending and descending the 272 steps which lead to and from the Temple Cave, an army of macaques wait and observe your every move. It's a foregone conclusion that they will end up stealing from or biting unsuspecting tourists, rushing in and grasping anything that they can wrap their little monkey fingers around. If my camera or wallet would have been stolen, you can bet that I'd never, ever admit to getting mugged by a monkey. Instead, you'd be reading the story of how four guys blindsided me and stole my belongings...though not without receiving black eyes and losing a few teeth first!

The Deliciousness That Is Malaysia

      While there are numerous advantages to being in a true international city – one that's a gumbo of culture, heritage, ethnicity, and creed – I sincerely adored the variety in cuisine that Kuala Lumpur had to offer.  It seems a rather simple formula but one that works so very well.  To expound upon "Malaysian food" in one fell swoop, like I presumed, just can't happen.  And that's completely my fault for thinking it could.  There is no single variable that defines Cajun cuisine, or Thai or Latin or French.  Malaysia seamlessly has blended the ingredients, seasoning and spices, and cooking methods from the history of its inhabitants like so many countries have.

      So what is Kuala Lumpur's mathematical formula for its delectable offerings?  Well, the Muslims have perfected Middle Eastern and Lebanese food.  The North Africans have introduced Moroccan and Mediterranean flavors.  The far East Asians are responsible for Thai, Vietnamese, and Chinese influences.  And the Hindu practitioners brought Indian and Nepalese staples, including vegetarian and vegan dishes.  That's quite the assemblage of flavorful variety, no?

      I'd strongly urge anyone with an interest in the culinary arts to visit Kuala Lumpur.  It is so grossly underrated when it comes to being a prime destination for foodies.  What can one expect there?  Well I'm glad you asked...


      Nasi Lemak seems to be Malaysia’s official dish.  Rice is cooked in coconut milk and presented with diverse accompaniments such as a hard-boiled egg, peanuts, sauteed vegetables, lamb/chicken/beef curry, a deep-fried chicken drumstick or whole fish, and Sambal (a chili-based sauce).

      Nasi Kandar is a quintessential Malaysian food served at street stalls open 24 hours and owned by ethnic Indian Muslims.  Rice is served with your choice of a multitude of curries, okra, fish, eggs, and fried chicken all laid out cafeteria style.

      Mee Goreng Mamak is a Muslim dish from India comprised of yellow noodles with beef, chicken, or shrimp sauteed with soy sauce, veggies, and eggs.  The addition of chili peppers offer quite a kick.

      Nasi Kerabu is bean sprouts and fried coconut doused in spicy Budu – a fermented fish sauce – served with blue rice.  The rice obtains its color from the Telang flower which is ground and soaked with the rice during the boiling process.

      Rendang is very similar to a curry with the main difference being its preparation.  Diced beef, chicken, or lamb is slowly simmered in coconut milk, curry powders, and spices until the liquid evaporates, leaving the meat of choice caked together with flavor.

      Murtabak takes pan-fried sour bread filled with green onions and minced lamb or beef and offers a spicy vinegar and chili sauce meant for dipping.

      Grilled Satay is served as chicken, beef, pork, squid, frogs, duck, or any other meat or vegetable that a wooden skewer can be thrust through.  Available sauces vary wildly but peanut sauce reigns supreme in popularity.

      To say that this is just a scratch on the surface is an understatement.  I haven't even mentioned the desserts, teas, and coffees.  However, I'm now quite hungry!

Muddy Confluence - The Roughly Translated "Kuala Lumpur"

  Alas, I've returned from my Malaysian adventure in Kuala Lumpur and have found that the only thing to change in Sakon Nakhon has been the year.  But while this slumbering town remained untouched by the flipping of calendar pages, Kuala Lumpur was much more sprightly.  Easily the most vastly sprawling city I've ever been to, I was fortunate enough to have spent four action-packed days amidst its crowds and festivities.  There was no surprise that the Petronas Twin Towers (previously the world's tallest buildings at 1,483ft. [currently the 8th tallest]), the Kuala Lumpur Tower, and the Putrajaya Bridge would be three obvious epicenters of New Years' fireworks and admirers.  What I was taken aback by was the the diversity of the Malaysian population and the harmony amongst this massive throng of locals and tourists.  Never would I have imagined experiencing such camaraderie between millions of people.  There were no confrontations, no drunken displays of idiocy, no issues involving law enforcement.  And Kuala Lumpur is a true international city, composed of a population that is 47% Muslim, 34% Buddhist, 12% Hindu, and 5% Christian.  All of whom were getting along splendidly, at least during my time there.  Tourists from Australia, Thailand, Japan, China, France, Germany, and South Africa were littered throughout the crowds, identifiable by their spoken languages.  Then there were my friends and me, left to represent the United States.  My white skin and tall frame was met with smiles and "hello" where ever I ventured.  Sure, I was probably viewed as someone who was very wealthy (HA!) due to the enormous influence of oil there and the businessmen that it brings in, but I'd like to think that the overwhelming politeness was genuine.  The people were truly great.

The Petronas Twin Towers

  On New Year's Eve night, it was the fireworks that took center stage.  One would think that the show would have been an overly-opulent display of the most grandiose proportion but honestly, I felt it underwhelming.  Perhaps due to that exact presumption.  What was remarkable was the way in which the fireworks were viewed.  By 11:45 PM there were hundreds thousands of vehicles parked on the highways.  Literally just parked.  Imagine the Super Dome shooting off fireworks while 90% of the cars on I-10 simply stopped to watch.  With smart phones held high, people exited their vehicles to video the show.  Car horns blared and shouts of "Happy New Years!" rang out in every direction.  How miserable was it to be one of the few who were actually attempting to go somewhere?!

Notice all of the vehicles stopped on the lower and upper levels of the 

highway and all of the people casually standing around.

  All of this took place within my first few hours of being in Kuala Lumpur.  The following days resulted in sight-seeing, phenomenal experiences (like seeing the oft-visited Batu Caves, a sacred Hindu sight), and my personal highlight – the cuisine.  Oh the food!  More on these to follow.

I Left My Mark On Kuala Lumpur