Abroad For A New Year - Redux

      Please bear with me for a momentary flashback...

"Dear 2013,

      As we, humanity, approach your commencement, many will reflect on the previous year and how we've lived our lives. We'll make resolutions and are determined to live better as soon as you begin. This process seems to involve a sense of refocusing on things that are important to us so that when we come to your end, we'll look upon you more favorably than previous years. That's a lot of pressure and for that, I'm sorry. It's just that we feel you hovering out there in our consciousness, but know little about you. We're certainly aware that your debut is always in style, on the same night of the year, and that the other 364 nights serve as your denouement. After all is said and done on this night though, the majority may be left unsatisfied and let down. And sadly enough, the rest of your days won't be any better for you. Get ready for the onslaught of resolutions and the heavy burden of blame when if our diets, planned personality changes, and new found ambitions go south. That's not your fault though. We humans are clingy - we need life rafts, whether real or imagined – and when we go down, we take you with us. The good news is that humanity has a short attention span – I'm certain that most can't remember the promises of last year – so you'll receive forgiveness (unfortunately by eventually being forgotten).

      So rather than blaming you 2013, I hope that humanity tries taking our desires and ambitions seriously, whether our resolutions are as lofty as world peace or as humble as smiling more on a daily basis. As an unintended consequence of running away, I've been blessed enough to have a head start on finding the inspiration and emotional wherewithal to (hopefully) follow through on my hazy scheme for self-improvement. Here's to finding optimism, forgiveness, love, and resolve during your reign 2013."


      I wrote that on the final day of 2012. After digging it up and re-reading it, I find it humorous that I'm back in the same situation – abroad again, searching for purpose, and spending New Years in heavy reflection. I do however believe that it was meaningful then, and now that we are rapidly approaching 2016, continues to be. My intention is to spend the last days of 2015 and firsts of 2016 in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia reflecting existentially on all things that this annual clean slate brings. Photographs will surely follow shortly thereafter.

      Pertaining to the passing of time, opportunities, taking risks, and regret, here are some thought-provoking words that I frequently ponder –

"Sometimes I can feel my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living."
   Jonathan Safran Foer   Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

"Our lives are defined by opportunities...even the ones we miss."
   Eric Roth   The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay

"And meanwhile, time goes about its immemorial work of making everyone look and feel like shit."
   Martin Amis   London Fields

      So what value do you instill in this fresh beginning? Have a happy New Years!

It's The Most Peculiar (?) Time Of The Year

      I knew that today wouldn't be the typical Christmas that I've become accustomed to. There would be no driving to New Arbor Lake in Poplarville, Mississippi. There would be no gumbo, jambalaya, turkey, or oyster dressing. There would be no seeing my parents or Brandon. I did not however, realize what this Christmas day would be comprised of.

      I had to work today. I believe that was a first; and not for holiday pay like time-and-a-half either. So I already knew I was waking up early...but not 4:00 AM early. At least that was the time on the clock when I awoke to the chanting Buddhist monks. Not sure why they chose today but that was something outside of the usual Western Christmas realm. The laughter of children seem much more common on a Christmas morning.

      Thankfully it wasn't an ordinary day at school. The teachers were tasked with assembling a "Christmas Around the World" fair which would take place in lieu of regularly scheduled classes. Guess who was assigned the good ol' U. S. of A.? Yours truly! After imparting my knowledge of all things America on my students, I recruited a few to summarize everything that I'd taught them into an enormous work of art to be used in my booth...

How'd they do?

       In addition to the fair, the students put on a variety of acts (think talent show) all day long. Seriously, at least eight hours of ridiculous performances, dances, singing, and even a knife act. Yes, two kids got on stage and showed off their knife-twirling skills. One even blindfolded his eyes during the act (luckily no blood was drawn). Only in Thailand. There were also numerous lady-boys dressed as Santa, Mrs. Claus, Japanese animation characters, Alice from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Tigger from Winnie-the-Pooh, and a cow.

      This Christmas evening was wrapped up by getting dinner with my Farang co-workers and partaking in a White Elephant gift exchange. Tomorrow morning, we'll awake and cook a large potluck breakfast. Our intent is to have as many Western dishes as possible, but we know what we're up against. The lack of proper ingredients and cooking devices, utensils, or simply a kitchen at all will make this quite the formidable task.

      Although things didn't feel the same and the atmosphere was absolutely different (in the most bizarre way possible), it wasn't a miserable Christmas. Perhaps it was due to today's endless entertainment. Perhaps it was the elderly Thai women at school who take such good care of me. Or perhaps it's the fact that despite impossible distances, I am learning what and who I hold dear and am confident that they feel the same. That offers an infinite amount of comfort.

Same Ol' Question, No New Answers

      Before my departure to Thailand – as well as since arriving here – I've been met with the same question by both long-standing friends and newly-acquired ones..."What are you searching for?" Simple and innocent enough, is it not? I can certainly understand why one would ask this to someone in my shoes. It's a conversation starter. Considerable endeavors in life are not routine events so it strikes a chord of curiosity within some. It's also something that many, if not most, don't / won't / can't fathom. Luckily, it isn't met with anger or violence like several other misunderstood, hot-button topics currently are (I wanted to say that it isn't met with resistance or disapproval, but that's not necessarily true).

      If you've known me for as long as my friends back home have (oh so many years), you've likely asked this question to clarify your confusion. "Why would he discard working a 'real' job for something so much less?" "Why partake in such a crazy endeavor again? South Korea didn't seem appealing enough to make him want to stay." "Why leave? What is he searching for?!" I have the utmost respect for your concern but please remember, what we see on the outside isn't necessarily what's on the inside. While it may seem like an easy read from an outer vantage point, living it may be slightly (or incredibly) different. I do take solace with the notion that even if my foolish schemes are met with initial cynicism, unconditional support will always be there. Despite being a world away, that honestly makes things so much easier. So thank you all.

      As for those who I've met in Bangkok and Sakon Nakhon, this question seems to repeatedly pop up during introductory small talk. An honest answer may be far too disclosing for some; this is when a rapid, glossed-over reply may work best. Others may have no issue divulging their truth, even if it's a little too revealing. I began working on a theory while in South Korea that all people such as myself leave for one of a few reasons. I'd like to revisit and flesh that theory out a bit more while here. I am aware however, that this could easily be my way of establishing comfort amongst strangers. I assign one of my few 'reasons for leaving' to other expats in order for things to make sense in my mind.

      But as for the question "What is it that you are looking for?", I'm presently unable to answer that. And honestly, I didn't expect to this early into my journey. I suppose that I'm 'just looking' (that go-to, rapid, glossed-over reply which we all use when someone attempts to help us while we are shopping). Can't that be enough in this moment? Until progress has taken place that I can report on, I'll leave you with a few things that I've been 'just looking' at recently.

This reminds me of Des Allemands and I find that comforting.

 A street vendor selling dried whole squid on a stick.

A Songthaew - the only form of public transportation for those of us who have to walk everywhere.

Dangerous but effective!

Welcome to Sakolrajwittayanukul School: Part II

I can't read it in English...surely not in Thai!

      I'm glad that you've returned to see how my previous entry will continue. After attempting to explain the chaos and the inability for students to fail, I concluded with the lack of educational standards in Thailand. As I have also mentioned before, it seems that my students are free to attend class as they so please. I have yet to witness any repercussions for missed classes. The students sit outside – lounging on benches under the trees on campus as Thai teacher walk past – neither faction batting an eyelash at the other. The trust bestowed upon the students is admirable I suppose, but when does this compromise the integrity of the daily school schedule and their education? Can a 17 or 18 year old student who are aware that they can't fail and whose only concern is leaving for college truly be expected to attend class? Much less a class for a foreign language that they may never use? To put this in perspective, I had 12 of my 55 students attend class today. Some days my classes are absolutely empty. There are even students on my roster who I still haven't met and I've been teaching here for well over a month now.

A decent amount of students (out of 55).

      This occurrence is exemplified on a daily basis in one or more of my classes and perfectly illustrates the hypocrisy of Thailand's society. Saving face and respect are extremely important here...let me rephrase that...the facade and illusion of respect. No Thai ever wants to have the finger of blame pointed at them, nor will they openly place blame on someone else. Doing so seems to permanently burn bridges, regardless of how close the prior relationship was. So teachers in Thailand hold quite a high status (refreshing when compared to the States) and are treated respectfully as such...at least on the surface. The hierarchy established between teachers and students is clearly evident. When seen – whether on campus or around town – students will acknowledge my presence and greet me. If spoken to, students will respond in the best manner possible to every question I ask. In the classroom, I am greeted by students who stand, bow, and remain standing until I give them permission to be seated. Students do not enter or exit the classroom until permission is given; they hover in the doorway as if in Limbo. In my office, students remove their shoes, approach my desk, and kneel down before speaking with me. These actions seem entirely alien. Most of which I consider unnecessary, but I do understand it's part of the culture. It's the false pretenses that I take exception with. Demonstrating these actions which seem respectful is one thing but actually being respectful is completely different. Wouldn't being present for my class be a great show of respect?

      Should I even suppose that a change take place? There are a handful of factors working against me. The most noted of which is the behavior of the natives who have set the precursor that attendance doesn't matter. You see, the Thai teachers themselves do not show up for class periodically for unknown reasons. And if they do, you can't expect it to be at the scheduled time. Being late for class by 10, 20, or 30 minutes is commonplace. Being late for any group meeting or departure can easily run an hour behind schedule. So I imagine that students who encounter this time after time honestly believe that it's justifiable to skip a class or two. Why wouldn't they? Our actions speak infinitely louder than our words.

      In closing, I'll leave you with a few final observations of my school day...

• We have the most lush coconut and banana trees strewn about campus. I never would have thought I'd live in a place such as this.
• Initially I was confused at how this school is structured. The best way that it's been described to me is that Sakolrajwittayanukul has a private school within its public school. For a substantial increase in tuition, a student can be "upgraded" to a classroom with electricity, A/C, a marker board, a computer, a reduced class size (~30 students), and the opportunity to attend special-focus classes. What a nice privilege for those who have the means, but imagine being a student who can not. They sweat in a dark, dusty classroom lost amongst a sea of their peers while witnessing the entitlements that their family can't afford.
• Finally, I'm certain that this is a teaching issue one would only encounter in Thailand. During any given moment in class, you should be prepared to have birds, snakes, or any of the numerous stray dogs meandering through campus interrupt your lesson by entering the room. The students are desensitized to these occurrences and although I'm not yet, it's best to just go about your lesson.

The Farang in front of the ocean of students.

      So perspective, right? Life is all about what we've learned, witnessed, or experienced. New horizons equal new insight which can be beneficial if we ever desire to view our past from an alternative vantage point.

Welcome to Sakolrajwittayanukul School: Part I

      Chaos. Utterly and purely chaotic. In reality, it's probably worse than that. I don't know if the proper word has been invented as of yet. That's the best way that I can illustrate my experience teaching at a Thai school though (and schooling here as a whole). There are so many intriguing, puzzling, dumbfounding, and insane moments that occur during the school day. I don't know that I'd say that Thai schooling is any better or worse than in South Korea or America, but it's surely different from my prior experiences. The daily schedule, the consistently canceled classes, the absolute freedom given to students, and the lack of adult supervision are surprising to say the least. However, the biggest head-scratcher is that students can't fail. Any class at any school. For any reason. How do I hold any of these 5,000 students accountable for even the simplest of tasks if there are no repercussions?

      My school, Sakolrajwittayanukul, is in session Monday through Friday from 8:30 AM to 5:30 PM. At least for some students. Others seem to flow freely as they please. Most do, actually. They come and go in and out of the classroom as they please; they come and go to and from campus as they please. A class of 50 to 55 students are organized as a section of a particular grade level known as a Mattayomusa. This is based on their age and – in theory – their intelligence level (not necessarily true). I teach M 1 students (~12 years old) and M 6 students (~18 years old). Each section of students has a classroom that they remain in while it's the teachers who ping-pong around campus. Though there is a daily schedule that signifies the time of the subjects which take place in each classroom, this should be expected to change at any given moment. My classes have already been canceled numerous times unannounced to me, so I typically wait ten minutes before leaving any lonely and unoccupied classrooms.

I draw stares for some reason

      The expectations for the students are saddeningly low, especially pertaining to learning English. I imagine that a foreign language isn't seen as anything of value in a small town such as Sakon Nakhon. And perhaps the natives are correct; how or why is one to expect a child to make it out of this town or even come to the realization that it is a plausible option? But in this Digital Age, technology has opened doors...and minds. I'm always taken aback by the family whose "house" is nothing more than a sheet-metal roof hung on weathered wooden pilings, yet there is a child playing on an iPad as they lay in a hammock or a bed of woven banana leaves. They have the world at their fingertips. And it's because of this and the dreams which might be conceived that maybe, just maybe, one of these 5,000 students could benefit from acquiring a foreign language and thusly an open door. Cue me.

      But the lack of educational standards across all age levels is the elephant in the room which Thailand isn't addressing. Unfortunately, the neighboring countries like Malaysia, Singapore, and the Philippines have been and Thailand is rapidly losing opportunities as a result. I was fortuitous enough to sit in on a speech given by the President of the Ministry of Education, which was incredibly enlightening and telling (Side Note – Those holding government positions such as this are royalty! This man was treated like a king). The President acknowledged the faults and failings of the Thai school system's non-existence standards by citing examples in relation to neighboring countries. While Singapore, Malaysia, and the Philippines require a fluency level of "intermediate" (which is pretty freakin' good based on Teaching English as a Foreign Language [TEFL] Standards are concerned) before their students can enter an M 1 level of English, Thailand doesn't regulate this based on fluency at all. Once a student is twelve years old, they are enrolled in M 1 classes regardless of English comprehension. They'll be moved to M 2 next year and M 3 the following year since they can't be failed. I was genuinely intrigued by the President's speech for two hours and then he concluded it with the very reason Thailand is behind and will be for the foreseeable future. "To make the necessary adjustments which would introduce educational standards and benefit Thailand's students moving forward would be too vast a change; it's political suicide." All respect instantly lost.

      

Attempting to smile although we're all soaking wet from sweating in a classroom with no electricity on a +90° day.

Stay tuned for Part II of my adventures at Sakolrajwittayanukul School.

Another Group Of Strangers In Another Strange Land

      I write today to send specific wishes to specific people. I'm missing out on quite a few milestones while I'm away. And I know that it's easy to presume that I don't remember or care, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Though I freely put myself in this situation, by no means should it reflect that which does or does not hold value in my life.

      Starting with the obvious – Thanksgiving – I'm highly aware that I missed out on the opportunity to enjoy family, friends, food, and fun. I received your pictures and heard the retellings of your feasts; I'm envious to say the least (except for your Thanksgiving, Brandon). Nothing puts turkey, gumbo, oyster dressing, even bread into a category of "luxury" until you're in a locale where it doesn't exist. Undaunted however, my American co-workers and I sought to make the best of a Thanksgiving in Thailand by enjoying rare (and expensive) "Western" food. So while it wasn't the customary fare, our mashed potatoes, hamburgers, salads, club sandwiches, salmon steaks, and mixed vegetables made for an enjoyable evening.

Guess who ate too much, too quickly.

      I also find humor in the fact that I've been here before, for this very holiday. What's changed since then? What will be different going forward, if anything? Being familiar territory, do I already know how this undertaking ends?

      Outside of Thanksgiving, I've also thought about the other endeavors that I'm unable to partake in...

• Birthdays. I'd like to offer up the happiest of birthday wishes for those born on the 28th of November.
• Initial openings. The introduction of Rye Canteen, Luling's newest (and soon-to-be greatest) restaurant took place with some of the most amazing people I know attending. I really would have enjoyed being present.

      So Happy Thanksgiving / Birthday / Grand Opening!

Loi Krathong!

     Last Wednesday, the 25th, was the full moon of the twelfth month according to the traditional Thai lunar calendar (More on the Thai calendar in the near future...over here the year is 2558. Not sure why but I intend to find out.). That meant one very important thing – Loi Krathong! A traditional festival dating back to the mid-13th century, Loi Krathong typically falls on the evening of the full moon in November according to our Western calendar. The festival is said to have originated from an ancient ritual which paid respect to the water spirits. Loi (ลอย) means “to float” and krathong (กระทง) roughly translates to “floating crown”. A traditional krathong is made from a slice of a banana tree trunk, banana leaves that are impressive and elaborately folded, and is adorned with incense sticks, a candle, and a coin as an offering to the spirits. Thais launch their krathong into a river, lake, or a pond while making a wish as they do so. This symbolizes the release of anything old, negative, or pent-up. There's something quite impactful about that notion. Just letting go.

Origami krathongs folded to imitate lotus flowers.  Mine didn't turn out as well.

     Modern krathongs can often be made of bread or Styrofoam. A bread krathong – shaped like a turtle – will decompose after a day or two and is meant to be eaten by fish. However, Styrofoam and banana trunk krathongs will pollute the waters and take years to decompose with all of their ornaments. The irony of paying respect to these particular spirits by contaminating the very waters they honor is lost on most Thais.

Unfortunately Thailand is a poverty-stricken nation and an opportunity to take money
that someone has freely parted with does not go without notice.

     This year I was lucky enough to not only be in Thailand for Loi Krathong, but was actually invited to participate in the festivities. This included a small parade complete with nine floats, a marching band, the wearing of traditional garments, and a five mile route to our krathong launching point – Nong Han Lake. As I was attempting to take my place in line towards the back of the parade, I felt a sudden jerk on my arm and was abruptly yanked to the first row of marchers. It happened so violently that I still don't know who grasped me and put me in place. I like to think that the Thais could sense my experience and expertise on all things Mardi Gras, but it's much more likely that they just wanted a foremost white face for the news cameras.

Here we are with our Mamas and krathongs...

...and dressed in traditional Isan silk garments.

     What follows are a few photographs that describe my night of Loi Krathong 2015...

My New Neighbors

       Buddhism is undeniably the main religion in Thailand.  It's vastly spread and my town, Sakon Nakhon, is actually a settlement for several Buddhist monasteries.  Each monastery is home to numerous monks varying in age, with many surprisingly younger than you'd probably guess.  As a matter of fact, my accommodations are next door to a monastery and I can take an easy stroll to another seven or eight.  While life next door to a Buddhist commune may sound intriguing and pleasant, I regret to inform you that it is not.

Grave Sites Built In The Traditional Khmer Architecture

Due to a lack of familiarity with a Buddhist monk's daily life, I have been exposed to some surprising rituals which take place rather frequently.  The first of which is a daily gong sounded between 6:00 and 7:00 in the morning.  It's rung in the pattern of one, two...three, four...five, six...seven.  And it's loud.  Loud enough to be heard over the mangy dogs fighting, the dozens of roosters cackling and squawking back and forth, or the local male peacock who struts the dusty streets of the area.  Needless to say, sleep doesn't come easily.  But these aren't the worst of it, oh no.  There are sacred holidays that – for no rhyme or reason beknownst to me – require chanting to be performed for the duration of the entire night.  I'll assume that you're thinking "How loud can chanting monks be?  Especially if they aren't near you, but are next door??"  Well, these chants are broadcast unto the world over a loud speaker system to offer blessings to the entire town.  I assure you, I do not need these blessings for twelve consecutive hours once the sun goes down.  Apparently the locals are accustomed to this; I however, am not.

Handmade Prayer Banners Blessed By The Monks

But alas, there is nothing that I can do about my "neighbors" except to embrace it.  So while walking past a monastery a few nights ago, I stumbled upon the festivities of what appeared to be a "fundraiser" for this particular temple.  There was traditional Thai dancing, live singers (just singing along to a music track a.k.a. glorified karaoke), a raffle, prayer sessions, and blessings occurring all over the temple grounds.  Fortunately, I was toting my camera along so I proceeded to wander in.  The interactions between myself and the natives have all followed the same paradigm –

     1. Walk around aimlessly and draw as many stares as possible from all men, women, and children.

     2.  Go about your desired business until the bravest child decides to get close enough to investigate you, then smile and wave at them.

     3. As they panic and cower to the safety of the other children, realize that you've just initiated a "peek-a-boo" game.  Continue to periodically look back to smile and wave at all of the children.

     4. Win the children over and in doing so, you've won the women over.  The men are slightly more difficult but politely speak to them in Thai and bow out of respect and you should be golden.

     5. Repeat Steps 1 through 4 during your next endeavor in awkward foreign/native interactions!

Trinkets Pay Homage To Buddha Meditating Under the Bodhi Tree

The Native Thai Children

Can New Places Truly Feel Like "Home"?

As soon as I had slightly established this thing bearing resemblance to a routine in Bangkok, my time was up.  I had to depressingly remind myself why I was here in Thailand.  This was no vacation; I was here to work.  Amidst the new stimuli, I lost sight of that fact .  So off to the small town of Sakon Nakhon I went.  In the Esan (or Isan or Essan) region of Northeast Thailand, Sakon Nakhon is a rural province located near the Laos border.  Imagine a move from New York City to Luling, Louisiana.  This was a much greater disparity than that.  But I'm hoping that what Sakon Nakhon lacks in a contemporary art and music scene, trendy restaurants, and convenient public transportation, it more than makes up for by providing a glimpse of authentic Thai life, a chance to truly help students in need, and a culture steeped in history.

Here's what I've discovered about my new home so far...Sakon Nakhon is just a hair over 400 miles from Bangkok and has an area of 3,700 square kilometers.  Most of the area lies in the Phu Phan mountain range.  Currently a Buddhist town with five Stupas (sacred buildings which house the remains of the holiest of monks) and several temples, Sakon Nakhon has been inhabited for the past 3,000 years.  Originally named Nongharn, this region was settled by the Khmer in the 11th century according to lore.  The Khmer lost their power to the Laotian Kingdom (or Lanxang at that time) and with the town under this new rule, it was renamed Muang Chiang Mai Nongharn.  The settlement later joined what was at the time, Siam, and was renamed again to Sakon Thavapi.  In 1830, during the reign of King Rama III, it was renamed Sakon Nakhon.

The Sakon Nakhon Region On A Map Of Thailand

Unlike the dialects spoken in Bangkok (Central Thai) and Phucket (Southern Thai), a blend of Thai and Lao is spoken in Sakon Nakhon and throughout the Esan region.  The most notable difference that I've been able to dial in on is the lack of pronouncing the "R" sound.  In the Central and Southern regions of Thailand, "Thank you" is pronouced "Korb Koon Krup".  However, here in the Northeast, it would be pronounced as "Kawp Koon Kup".  General differences in regional dialect are nothing new (think New Orleans vs. Houma), but I've counted it as an achievement that I was able to pick up on it.

An Extremely Large Entrance Monument Located On The Only Highway Into Town

More information to come shortly, likely in the form of photographs from my initial explorations around town.  Stay tuned.

To Eat Or Not To Eat

There are an infinite number of reasons to travel.  To relax in a stress-free atmosphere, to experience a different culture, to discover something new, to retrace history, or – my personal favorite – to experience unfamiliar and exciting cuisine.  My philosophy when traveling has been, and always will be, to eat any and everything that is not at your disposal back where you reside.  My apologizes, but I don't want to eat McDonald's in Paris, Subway sandwiches in Barcelona, or Chili's in Tokyo.  Nor do I want something basic and generic.  Don't offer me a hamburger or a slice of pizza.  Please entice me.  Or challenge me.  Or disgust me.  Either way, I'll be intrigued to try whatever it is that's been prepared.

The food scene in New Orleans seems to be thriving because of this very concept.  While steeped in traditional ingredients, there is a seemingly fresh desire to be creative.  To fuse new flavors or textures in an uncommon way.  It's even acceptable to cross over the boundaries which define genres.  I can see how one's palette could get spoiled in a gastronomic Mecca such as New Orleans.

Still, I'll continue to seek all that Bangkok has to offer.  There seemed no better place to start than the incredibly large farmer's market, Klong Toey.  If ever there were a place to experience all that the locals could propose, this would be it.

Able to walk amongst thousands of Thais, I witnessed farmers trucking in their recently harvested crops, fishermen hauling in the morning's catch, and merchants hacking, cleaning, preparing, and cooking the wildest of creations.  The market is so large that it feels like a town.  Row after row after row mimic the crowded streets of Bangkok; there are narrow lanes and endless human traffic.  And like Bangkok itself, this "town" isn't clean.  Picture a post-apocalyptic refuge camp.  The walkways are filthy and flooded with mud, water, feathers, scales, blood, and the occasional fish or octopus that's managed to escape from its bucket.  This entire compound exists beneath a canopy of rusty sheet metal and giant umbrellas which cast their colors upon the market and its vendors, patrons, and goods.  I understand the concept of why one would construct this quasi-roof but what they've unintentionally done is create a furnace.  With no moving air, the stifling heat and humidity incubate in this inferno.  It's unbearable.

But I went there for food, and food I would get.  Thailand's produce selection is phenomenal.  There is no end to the peak growing season in this tropical climate.  The pineapples...oh, the pineapples!  Here, they are skinned and sliced freshly upon being harvested; I can assure you that you haven't experienced a pineapple such as these.  The taste is truly unrivaled.  And the carrots are enormous!  You'd be hard-pressed to find one less than 12 inches and under a half pound.  The selections of leafy greens are vast as well.  Now granted, most of these are what Westerners would consider grasses – and the Thais pick them as such – but they're wildly popular in soups.  Produce wasn't why I was there however.  I made sure to seek out the oddest things to eat and did just that.  There were all types of fish, crustaceans, sea cucumbers, and mussels – both alive or freshly cleaned – available (which was impressive given that we're not really near the coast).  Numerous chickens and ducks caged next to the open flames that will eventually roast them would drive any animal rights activist to tears.  And – as if I were back home – there were frogs, turtles, hog's head and feet, chicken hearts and gizzards, and turkey necks.  The stars of this adventure however were the insects.  Crickets, worms, grubs, water beetles, and grasshoppers were all available... and raw.  For a moment, I imagined being in a old fishing bait shop.

Foreshadowing From Above

Before

After

I stared at a piece of styrofoam placed atop a mound of yellow grubs and attempted to read what was written on it.  There were two numbers and some Thai words.  Was this a certain amount of grubs for a particular price?  Unsure, I stood there awkwardly staring and pondering if I was about to spend 3.50 Baht for 20 grams of grubs or 20 Baht for 3.50 grams. Surely this couldn't be kilos, right?  During this moment of lengthy confusion, the woman selling the insects finally grabbed a black cricket and presented it to me.  I attempted to offer her some pocket change as compensation but she refused.  Our charades back and forth drew a crowd around her and me – the only farang at the entire market – to see whether or not I'd eat this raw cricket.  In one fell swoop, I munched it down.  Not bad, surprisingly so.  Neither were the brown crickets, nor the grasshoppers.  This insect buffet took a turn for the less-desirable with the consumption of the yellow grubs.  These squishy and oddly cold grubs burst their liquid-filled abdomen across my tongue with the first bite.  Chewing and swallowing became a much more labored task.  But I did it; I ate one of every bug in front of me.  And upon finishing, I was met with applause from the gathered crowd.

My mission for this outing was now accomplished, but there are still additional delicacies I'd like to sample.  Hopefully the scorpions, snakes, birds, and lizards will be next.